Wanna Bet? AKA Daniel Never Wins
by Dark-Yukari
Summary: It's New Years Eve up at Jack's cabin and, well, our favorite foursome has gather togeather to celebrate the new year by...making a lot of bets. See the madness that endures. Rated M just in case.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Dark here. This fanfics was written by me and the lovely Marauder (who has yet to find her account here). Marauder: Hi! Dark: We sadly do not own any of the Stargate SG-1 characters, no matter how much we want to. Marauder: Another Christmas gone by, another year without getting Daniel. sigh -pause- Maybe they're waiting till I'm 18! Dark: Riiiiight. Anyway, we don't own, so don't sue. We now leave you to our madness, in tribute to New Year's Eve. Ancients help us all.

Chapter 1

Colorado Springs, Colorado.  
Cheyenne Mountain Complex.  
SGC. Mess Hall. 12 p.m.  
Table, back left corner.  
The day after Christmas.

Daniel: We need to get a life.  
Sam: I have a life, thank you very much.  
Jack: (walks in) Hello campers!  
Daniel: And would that life happen to have just walked in?  
Sam: (innocently takes a sip of coffee).  
Teal'c: Indeed.  
Jack: (reaches table, sits next to Sam) How are we this morning?

Daniel: Confused. Why are you here, Jack?

Jack: I have to pick up my girlfriend since we have a date soon (puts arm around Sam).  
Daniel: You mean that you two are…!  
Jack: Yep (grinning).

Daniel: (pulls out sheet of paper) Since when?  
Sam: June-  
Daniel: WHAT!

Everyone stares at Daniel's Paper, June 29 was circled.

Jack: Ooooh! Tough luck. You're a day over.  
Daniel: **A DAY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! **I just lost $400 on you two!  
Jack: Sorry buddy (but grinning mischievously).

Daniel: Well, in answer to your question, I'm terrible! No thanks to you!  
Sam: So Teal'c, how're you?

Teal'c: I am quite excellent, Colonel Carter, thank you for asking.  
Daniel: (looks at him) Did you-?  
Sam: So, anyway, since the cat's out of the bag…Jack, do you wanna tell them the other part?

Daniel: **_YOU'RE PREGNANT!_** (Whips out a second paper).

Sam: (glares) No.

Daniel: YOU'RE MARRIED! (whips out third paper)

Jack: Nope.

Daniel: -pause- Engaged? (whips out yet another paper)

Jack and Sam: Not yet…

Daniel: Damn it!

Jack: Now that that's over, Sam and I are going up to my cabin over New Year's to go fishing and are wondering if you wanted to come.

Daniel: -Blank stare- Fishing? In the middle of winter? FISHING!

Jack: Yeah fishing. Wanna come or not?

Daniel: -Pause, thinking-

Jack: (Leans over to Daniel, whispering) If you come you could get one of the dates on the paper right.

Daniel: I'M IN!

Jack: Teal'c buddy. What about you?

Teal'c: Will there be….mosquitoes?

Jack: Um…no?

Teal'c: Then I will be happy to accompany you O'Neil. Thank you for asking.

Sam: Well, I'm gonna go make sure my lab is shut down so we can get going. See you guys later. (Walks out of mess hall)

Daniel: One day off? How?

Teal'c: I too, must depart. It was enjoyable seeing you again O'Neil.

Jack: See ya T!

Daniel: Wait. Where are you going?

Teal'c: I must kelnorem.

Daniel: But you don't have a symbiote anymore.

Teal'c: None the less, it is most relaxing. DanielJackson, O'Neil. (Walks out of mess hall)

Jack: Daniel, I finally remember what we were talking about in the time loop, and in answer to your question…

Samantha Carter's Laboratory

Minutes later

Teal'c: (dispensing money into equal piles)

Sam: (Walks in, stands near one of the piles)

Out side the room, people can be heard sobbing.

Teal'c: (Finishes dispensing money. Innocently pushes pile of money closes to Sam toward her)

Sam: (Innocently collects pile of money, pockets it and walks out of lab.)

Teal'c: (Pockets his money, walks out of lab, turning off lights behind him. Heads in opposite direction as Sam)

Daniel: (Hiding in closet) I KNEW IT!

Somewhere on the road

Jack's car

6 am

December 31st

Daniel: You're actually serious about doing to your cabin!

Jack: Yeah, where did you think we were going? Kansas?

Daniel: -shrugs- (Goes back to reading book)

Minnesota.

Jack's cabin, Driveway

1pm

Daniel: (Shakily gets out of car) I'm never riding with Teal'c as the driver again.

Jack: (Climbing out) It's all your fault Daniel! You taught him how to drive!

Daniel: I didn't teach him to go 90 MILES PER HOUR ON A 40 MPH ROAD!

Jack: Doesn't matter, you still taught him how to drive!

Daniel: You're acting like McKay.

Sam and Teal'c glance nervously between the two. Anger in Jack's eyes, Fear in Daniel's.

Pegasus Galaxy. Atlantis.

Infirmary. Same time.

McKay: I HEARD THAT!

Back at the driveway…

Jack: Daniel, can you open the door? Sorta have my hands full (carrying mass amounts of provisions due to Sam)

Daniel: (with a slightly bloody nose and still dazed look) uh, okay. (Takes keys from Jack. Goes up to house, leaving Jack, Sam, and Teal'c with everything. Opens door, stepping inside, looks to left and finds….the kitchen)

Vala: (Comes up behind Daniel. Arms around his waist, hands on his crotch area, moving them slowly up and down, rests her chin on his shoulder) Did ya miss me?

Daniel: (Jumps 10 feet in the air) AH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Jack: (walks in) Hey Vala!

Sam: (Enters) Hi Vala.

Teal'c: (Appears) Vala.

Daniel: AREN'T YOU EVEN CURIOUS AS TO HOW SHE GOT IN HERE OR WHY SHE'S HERE?

Jack: No. I invited her.

Vala: (Leans into Daniel's ear) I know you missed me. I could tell because you were so excited. In fact, (puts hand on his crotch), you're still excited to see me.

Daniel has a deer in the headlights look.

Jack: So Vala, help put the stuff away?

Vala: Sure.

Jack, Sam, Teal'c and Vala put everything away, and Jack shows them to their rooms. They all unpack and when they get back to Daniel, he hasn't moved at all. They all sit down and jack brings them all beverages. About five minutes into the conversation…

Daniel: YOU INVITED HER! WHY?

Jack: Because I've head so much about her, and since you two are such…intimate…partners-

Daniel: I'M NOT HER PARTNER!

Vala: Daniel! How can you tell such lies? All those nights together, all those memories…How can you pretend it never happened? Besides you can't keep acting this way, think of the twins.

Daniel: I can pretend it never happened because of…what twins?

Vala: Your twins silly

Daniel: My twins. _My_ TWINS?

Vala: Yes **your **twins…at least there's a –thinks- one in four chance they're yours.  
Daniel: (turns around, walks out back door and moves towards the pond)

Teal'c: Should someone now accompany him to make sure he does not fall in?

Jack: Don't worry T. The lake's frozen.

A splash is heard outside

Jack: Damn thin ice… (Picks up stone) Hey buddy, little help?

Earth's orbit

Azgard ship

Same time…

Thor: (moves stones)

Back at the cabin…

Daniel: (beamed into cabin in front of roaring fireplace)

Jack: Thanks buddy!

Azgard Ship

Thor: You are most welcome O'Neil.

Minnisota.  
Jack's cabin.

Living room.

11:30 pm

Same day.

Daniel: FEAR MY TOOTHPICKS! (holds up toothpicks from meatballs)  
Jack: (to Sam) How much champagne has he had?  
Sam: (to Jack) Half a glass.  
Jack: Daniel, you're still a cheap date!

Vala: Cheap? He's cheaper than cheap. He's cheaper than the cheapest guy I stole from and it only took the smell of whiskey to get him drunk!  
Jack: Hey Danny-boy! Better hang onto your wallet or else Vala might steal it!

Daniel: (looks like scared ferret)  
Jack: Okay Draco.  
Vala, Teal'c and Daniel: Huh?

Jack: Never mind.  
Sam: So, any new year's resolutions?

Jack: To actually catch a fish in my pond!  
Sam: You say that every year.  
Jack: -shrug- But this time I mean it!

Sam: What about you Teal'c?  
Teal'c: I have no need to make a resolution.  
Vala: That's a little egotistical of you, don't you think?  
Teal'c: Not egotistical, factual. But, if it will appease you, I resolve to continue to bet and win.  
Jack: Oh yeah? Care to try it?  
Teal'c: Indeed.  
Jack: Ok, we make Daniel drink a whole glass of champagne. $25 says he sings, "My Pretty Pony".  
Sam: No way. I say it's "the Barney song" and I put down $50.  
Vala: $75 says he kisses me.  
Teal'c: $100 and he will fall down.  
Jack: Deal. Oh Daniel! Here boy! (Whistles).  
Daniel: (saunters over) Yeah? What do you want Jack and…other Jack?  
Jack: (snorts) You need to finish your drink.  
Daniel: Okay. (guzzles the rest).  
Sam: I've never seen anyone guzzle champagne.  
Daniel: (with new found confidence, suavely moves towards Vala) You know Vala; I've been thinking and…I… (puts hand on shoulder, leans in to kiss her and…falls toward her side and plummets to the ground).  
Vala: Damnit!  
Teal'c: (Extends hand to collect money)  
Sam: (After paying up) So Vala, do you have a resolution?  
Vala: To keep playing these games with Daniel. There are no twins and he really doesn't have a chance.  
Daniel: (Springs up) I don't have a chance? **I **don't have a **CHANCE!** C'mere Vala! (grabs Vala, drags her to the bedroom).  
Jack: Looks like he has a chance.  
Teal'c: No, he doesn't.  
Jack: Wanna bet?

The End

Or is it?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 AKA Bonus Chapter

Minnesota.

Jack's cabin.

Living room.

Next day.

Next year.

3 a.m.

(Jan. 1 for those who couldn't figure it out.)

Marauder: Hey! I'm not _that _slow!

Two figures enter Jack's living room from opposite sides; one male, one female. Quietly they meet in the center. An object is pulled from the female's pocket. Something is taken out of the object and given to the male. He takes it and they go back to where they were before.

Same day.

10 a.m.

Everyone is at the breakfast table eating and drinking coffee for the first time that year. It certainly won't be the last. From the hallway they can hear cursing in the following languages: English, Egyptian, Latin, Goa'uld, Ancient, and …  
Sam: Is that Pig Latin?  
Daniel: (storming into the kitchen) All right, where is it?  
Teal'c: Where is what DanielJackson?

Daniel: All my money that was in my wallet! I had $200 in there!  
As Jack reads the paper and Vala sips her coffee they share a glance with one another, slightly nodding, before going back to what they were doing.

The End! (For real this time!)

The authors would to make it known that they don't own Harry Potter or any of the related characters. And…Happy New Year!


End file.
